First, thanks to so many of you who have contacted me through this blog. Among recent messages was this:
If you had asked me last week what type of job my wife and I are doing to protect our teenage drivers, I would have said, so far, better than most. Ask me the same question today after reading your blog, and I would say: not nearly enough.
Thank you. That’s why I’m doing this.
Some of your e-mails have presented difficult but common situations, and asked for advice. I will take the liberty on occasion (without attribution, of course) of relaying these inquiries and my responses.
A mother, divorced for several years from the father of her newly-licensed 16-year-old daughter, asked what she should do now that her ex-husband has bought the daughter a car. These parents live in the same region – close enough for their daughter to commute between their homes by car – and are in regular communication, but the father apparently did not ask for the mother’s consent before buying this car. I assume that the father’s thinking was that a car will better enable the daughter to spend time with each parent.
I offered the mother two pieces of advice. The first, even though the car has already been purchased, was to bring to her ex-husband’s attention the recent State Farm / Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia study, linked in my recent post “A Different Top Ten List,” showing that teen drivers with their own cars have higher crash rates than those who depend on shared cars. Second, I suggested that the mother download a parent-teen driving contract and that all three of them discuss it, agree on it, and sign it ASAP. (Parent-teen contracts will be the subject of my next post.)
This mother describes a situation that obviously adds to the complications of divorce. The car purchase may well force the daughter into more driving than she is ready to handle. Though her driving between each parent’s home might be considered “purposeful” in the sense that she will have a clear destination, route, and arrival time, and thus might be considered less risky than a joy ride, will she be driving under stress? Could shuttling between parents constitute distracted driving? Also, one parent surprising the other who has custody by buying a car for their new teen driver raises a question about which parent is overseeing driving privileges and safety. Finally, it would seem that in this situation, the purchase of the car might be characterized as at least one parent putting convenience ahead of safety.
Overall, this family’s circumstances calls for even greater caution and conversation, with decisions about the daughter’s driving to be made day-by-day and on a case-by-case basis.
